Last year on Jebel Musa – written on 16th November 2003
I spent some time yesterday typing my journal from last year’s trip to the Sinai into the computer and finding the photos I took. I even found the two letters I wrote to D and the one she wrote to me in January and put them into the same folder.
It’s all left me a bit confused. Which probably means it was a good thing to do. Most of what I wrote is how I remembered it although it reminded me of some things I’d completely forgotten. I’d forgotten just how much anxiety was involved in the whole thing. I was also reminded just how much I’d felt “in the flow” of something which was meant to happen. It was a bumpy ride, more white water than a peaceful cruise, but I knew I was in the right place. I’d forgotten just how big an effect D being there had on me. How we’d met in Eilat and found that we’d both had travelled there from the uk for the purpose of climbing the mountain and for largely spiritual reasons. The fact that she was “new age” in belief and I’m a fairly mainstream Christian didn’t matter. I’d said “God had been involved in arranging this” and she said “Spirit had brought us together” – same thing in a different language?
One thing which struck me was that I was able to “let go” of D when I came back home. There was a time when I would have found it very hard indeed to accept that the “divine appointment” was just for the occasion and wasn’t intended to be a lasting friendship. This time, although part of me still regrets the fact that we haven’t kept in touch, I can be at peace about it. That felt like a growth point for me.
I look back and wonder if I did change at around that time. Although the awe and wonder of the trip has long faded into just a pleasant memory, maybe it had a lasting, if under the surface, effect. I don’t know. Maybe I should keep my eyes on the forward path rather than looking for past milestones. I’ve always been taught that it was unwise and impossible to ask oneself how far along the spiritual path I am, just to keep my eyes on the destination and aim for it. But it’s hard to do sometimes.
I’ve booked to go back to Eilat just before Christmas this year. I don’t intend to climb Sinai again – that was definitely a one off special – but I do intend to explore the Negev and maybe even cross the Sinai desert to Cairo. It will be a very different sort of trip and I’m not sure what to expect. I hope it will be as good as last time even though in a different way. I’ll be there for the start of Channuka which has to be interesting.