When the world changes colour – 27th December 2002
Among all the balagan surrounding whether the trip up the Sinai was on or off, or whether the tour company had got the right message or not, there was a strange thing.
It was Friday morning and I’d finally been able to be sure that the trip the following day was definite and to the right place but, after all the “surprises” up to that point I had no confidence that it would work out. I would have been quite unsurprised if we hadn’t been met at the border or if the Bedouin guide hadn’t turned up or even if we had been stranded in the desert with no means of getting back. I could imagine having to hitch a ride off some passing Arab jeep or minibus or something like that.
So I was sitting on the beach in the warm sun wishing I could just stay there until it was time to go home. I was in reach of both the tour operator and the airport which suddenly seemed a lot more appealing than crossing the border and trusting myself to people I had no confidence in whatsoever. I think I would have given the whole thing up a lot earlier and just cancelled that morning if it wasn’t that I felt responsible for D’s trip after she had changed her plans on my account. Amazing just how much sticking power is produced by knowing that someone else is relying on me. It had the good effect of goading me to go through with it which, now, I’m glad I did.
In a way this was a repeat of when I was at Heathrow waiting to come out to Eilat. I had more confidence that I’d get there ok but, even so, my anxieties about some communications failure leaving me stuck somewhere a long way from where I needed to be were strong. At least there were a planeful of other people all expecting to go to the same place, not just two of us.
The anxiety didn’t surprise me, it seems to be part of the price I must pay to do anything the slightest bit risky, but the effect was different. The whole atmosphere of the place, as I perceived it, changed from being that of a safe and friendly holiday resort to being somehow threatening. I walked around the centre and as I saw things which previously seemed benign now looked ominous. Even looking across the marina at D’s hotel (which stood out because unlike most of the other hotels it was pale green instead of white) made me think of the possibility that things would go wrong and that I’d fouled up the arrangements for both of us.
D must have had a bit of the same experience later on. On the Saturday we were walking between St. Kat and the carpark looking for our guide, while at the same time all the other tourists were departing as the monastery closed at noon. I’ve never seen and only vaguely heard of the “Twilight Zone” but that’s what it reminded her of. “You thought you were going for a hike up Mt. Sinai but, in fact….. you’ve entered the Twilight Zone!” It seemed to fit well.
It also reminded me of the one and only other time that I heard someone say that the world seemed to have changed colour and “take on the hue of a horror movie”. I didn’t understand what she meant – or at least only superficially. I think I do now. There must have been many things like that where I just didn’t have a clue about what was going on. This is something I need to think more about. Watch this space……