My third retreat in Northumberland, in October 2006, was one which very memorable and resonated with how I was feeling at the time and also my previous reading and experience of the contemplative side of Christianity.
It was a teaching weekend, entitled “Treasures in Darkness” and led by Trevor Miller who had joined the community after being a Baptist minister. A version of his teaching has more recently been put on youtube.
This gave me an explanation of things I had read about but in a much more understandable way. It also raised many questions about my spiritual path, and the path of my life in general, and made me want to come back for a private retreat where I could process some of these things jsut between me and God in a conducive atmosphere.
Over the next few years I went on several unstructured retreats where I could simply be with God, ponder on how my life was going and re calibrate in a good context. My thoughts, shaped both by the spirituality I was being led towards and my own life situation was whether I was being led along a solitary path. Was I called to be a “poustinik in the market place”[1]? I still don’t know the answer to that question 20 years later – maybe it is one of those questions to be lived rather than answered.
“Solitude is a gift, not a curse. I am free in ways that people with families are not. Freedom to follow God in different ways. No need to envy family folk.”
At one retreat in 2008 I specifically asked God for a prayer partner. This turned out to be the newly appointed pastor at the church I was part of. It was not what I imagined and was more in the style of “iron sharpens iron” rather than mutual encouragement and support. Nevertheless, I am sure it was valuable even though we often did not see eye to eye. One thing we did agree on was the importance of prayer and we could encourage each other in that.
From 2014 onwards I aimed to go on an Individually Guided Retreat each year which I found, and still find, to be valuable times of encouragement and encounter with God.
[1] Catherine Doherty, “Poustinia: Encountering God in Silence, Solitude and Prayer”